Mom,
Where the hell are you?  Are you in Valentino?  Are you in the stars?  I are you just......gone?
I have more to say than my once-beautiful fingers can type tonight.   But sadly for now, I need to say that despite ALL the growth I've done...and so many wonderful things, I have to tell you something.

I AM SUICIDAL.

I have lasted over 9 years since you left me.  I met a wonderful guy who still loves and adores me but has the most difficult time consistently showing it.  I have a full time job for 4 years, where I have no idea...NONE...how the people who run it can be so dishonest...so cruel....so disrespectful...so unprofessional to the point of jeopardizing innocent people ( me being one of them).

I have most gorgeous house I could have ever imagined.   I could go on and on...but just need you to know that I'm so sorry I gave you such grief with all my sadness.   And I'm sorry that this is what it's taking for me to write you again.  

But I don't know if I could pull this off.   Life, I mean.    I don't know if I could pull off this life thing.  I am, and always have been, way too sensitive.   I just don't fit.   Despite all my hard work, I'm forever disappointed in people.

If I can't hang in there, and end up finally doing what I thought I'd do when you passed.....I sure hope God (if there is one) forgives me....and I hope you do too.

Maybe we'll be together again....maybe not.   I know nothing.  I just know that this hurts too much. 

Between my physical pain and my emotional pain, I am imprisoned.

No one has the key.  Not even me.

I love you more than I've ever loved before in my life.  Please forgive me, Mom.   

But if you want me to be happy, I just might have to do this.

Your number one fan,
Nancy Hannah Davis (Kessler)