Where the hell are you? Are you in Valentino? Are you in the stars? I are you just......gone?
I have more to say than my once-beautiful fingers can type tonight. But sadly for now, I need to say that despite ALL the growth I've done...and so many wonderful things, I have to tell you something.
I AM SUICIDAL.
I have lasted over 9 years since you left me. I met a wonderful guy who still loves and adores me but has the most difficult time consistently showing it. I have a full time job for 4 years, where I have no idea...NONE...how the people who run it can be so dishonest...so cruel....so disrespectful...so unprofessional to the point of jeopardizing innocent people ( me being one of them).
I have most gorgeous house I could have ever imagined. I could go on and on...but just need you to know that I'm so sorry I gave you such grief with all my sadness. And I'm sorry that this is what it's taking for me to write you again.
But I don't know if I could pull this off. Life, I mean. I don't know if I could pull off this life thing. I am, and always have been, way too sensitive. I just don't fit. Despite all my hard work, I'm forever disappointed in people.
If I can't hang in there, and end up finally doing what I thought I'd do when you passed.....I sure hope God (if there is one) forgives me....and I hope you do too.
Maybe we'll be together again....maybe not. I know nothing. I just know that this hurts too much.
Between my physical pain and my emotional pain, I am imprisoned.
No one has the key. Not even me.
I love you more than I've ever loved before in my life. Please forgive me, Mom.
But if you want me to be happy, I just might have to do this.
Your number one fan,
Nancy Hannah Davis (Kessler)